120 Seconds....

People, oh god they will always be people. In the words they will create a heaven for you, so that you can rejoice in their mind's garden, and when it comes to actions, man they suck! When it comes to actual doing for you, even if its just a phone call or message, they hesitate. For what? Is it too much in this busy world to share a few words with someone with genuine interest? I think not.. So below is the post that I wrote 6 years ago on this subject, just personalized experience worth sharing on this Old dead blog of mine, for recapturing the essence..😄

How about bothering me? Calling me and asking me "How am I doing?" And about my health, my life, my schedules, my whereabouts, ANYTHING about ME. Just for 120 seconds?

  

The time then when we were connected, the threads of our hearts were tightly entwined. And the time that is now, we don't even know what's in each other's mind?

Lost touch. How is not important. We lost touch, that's that. Its awful. Not because of what we share now, but what we shared before.

You made me believe Promise is mere a word. You might demand that deep down you CARE. I want you to show me that. It's simple.

You might opine or excuse 'You have been busy' 'You didn't have access to me' 'You missed me'. I would say it's 2014. You can always find a way if its a priority to you.

Why get in touch? If not interested. Fine. But why get closer to heart? If not sure for future. Fine. But why leave a bad taste in someone's mind after taking them to heaven ? Not Fine.

120 seconds to say 'You're sorry' or 'You missed me' or 'Criticize me for not being in touch' 'Anything about our past times' Or reminding me that I'm not forgotten yet.

A fleeting conversation but straight from heart, having the finest quality. Having the power to change minds, change the decisions and most importantly a pleasant Surprise to heart.

120 seconds is not much time, if you really long to connect to your old friend. It would be the most productive time of your life, Even if all you say on phone is  Hello Jay!

Is it too much to ask for? Given we chatted for hours, met for months. And lest you think I'm being over-emotional. Because I'm not. I am a creature of logic, just not as rapid as you.

Do it if you feel like doing it. There has never been a compulsion and never it will be. It's matter of your choice, as it has been always. All I am asking for is 120 seconds. Just that much. There is no stopping, if I am 'Important' or so as you once said.

- Jay Totlani

A Bizarre Longing

Sometimes you just feel different. You want different and expect different as well and then all the way the same. But, at times you feel certain unusual craving inside you which doesn't easily settle, in my case it's the craving which will give me nothing in particular but I want to do it. I want to do it for the other person not for myself.  Strange! But I feel a bizarre longing to love someone. Love a friend or even a stranger, I don't care. A stranger! Yes, that's what is bizarre.

LOVE, not to be loved back, but just love, simply and purely. For my own satisfaction or may be to complete myself as a person. But is it just about myself?

How about the one receiving the amount of this love? Wouldn't that person feel good after learning that 'He is vital' for other person in this otherwise messed up world, where relations lose their desirability in a fleeting time.

Whatever! I just want to love someone. And loving in such a manner in which he is never loved before. I would want to make the one feel out of this world, and would like to acquaint him about him. I want to appreciate every ingredient with which he is made and be interested in every tiny thought that crosses his mind. I want to be an avid listener to his stories, and the one who delights in his happiness. I unfailingly want to be there for him whenever he needs me and otherwise.

Caressing his hair, and trying to get drift of his every emotion. Showing genuine interest in knowing about his dainty encounters. Keeping a track on every little detail that he might be concerned with and every single person he has to do something with. But most importantly, I want him to see himself through my eyes, I would want to manifest him the beauty with which he is designed, how diligently he is important to this world and me for that matter. I would want to unveil the colors of this world to see the smile on his face. I will never fail to remind him that he is special for me. Never will I leave a chance that he gets to see the blue in his life. I would be there with him in the meltdowns (If any) standing like a pillar abreast him, So that he stands upright.

I would cast aside all the judgments passed against him, and ignore all the negative eyes. Irrespective of how is that person is treated in public; he would get all the attention from me and some more. There would be no basis of this love, maybe that's why it seems special. I would not love him for how is he as a person, but rather for how I am?

I want to transport the one I love to an entirely different world, where he is respected and pampered for who he is.

I'm not sure of who I want to love, and why? But,

I want to love someone unflinchingly and wholeheartedly.

P.s - Call it love for a human-being or friendship straight from the heart or a chance to make (best) use of the resource; you are having in shed loads which apparently is 'love' in my case. Sharing is good, so why not share that? *Wink*

Thanks for reading,

LOVE,

Jay

THAT SOMETHING !

A wanderer moving here and there in pursuit of ‘Something’

Something that he is mad about, something that he yearns for from core of his heart

Something that he feels he lacks, something that he knows wouldn't be easily catered to him

Something that could make his life worth living again, something that could expunge all the doleful moments,

Something which seems so effortless, yet at times nothing seems to be more unattainable than it.

Something that could Rejuvenate, something that is air of fresh breathe,

Something that seems so soothing even from distance, something that appears Lifelike,

Something that would bring pangs of amazement and contentment altogether.

Why is that something so tough to reach to? Why it takes so much time-almost like a lifetime?

 - May be its Elegance & Beauty merit this wait? If this is the case I'm ready to wait for eternity.

And that "Something" for me is somebody’s “Genuine Regard” towards me.

Really. Caring has become a rare verb in today's life.

In whatever situation you are in, at every juncture of life, you expect one person to be with you who knows about you and you would want to share such a tremendously powerful bond with him/her that nobody else has ever shared. But these days, people seem not to be caring about other person's mood/feelings. All they care about is theirs. You are at the dance party with your friends, everybody seems to be enjoying with each other while you are standing in a corner feeling awkward because you don't know how to dance, nobody knows about you, even if they do, they don't bother to care about how you must be feeling there, but then comes someone who ask you for your bad mood and is genuinely interested in making you feel better. It feels better gradually, you are not dancing, that's fine if you don't know it, at least there is someone who is like you, who bothers for you, for who you matter, for who your loneliness is more important than their enjoyment.

The one who truly cares about the other person is hard to find. One who puts you before oneself, who takes care about your every mood-swing, your every emotion is important to that person, you could share every little thought that crosses your mind with that person without fearing the judgment. In crowd of infinite interesting and cheerful people, that person who makes out you're feeling low and need to be talked to. You become center of that person's life in every way possible, but at the same time you get the required space. Someone who sets an example of concern. Someone showing you 'YOU' with their eyes, if you underestimate yourself, that person defies that you're not capable. Your choice, your favorites, your mood, your wish, your best attributes, your EVERYTHING.

In case of fear, that person comes to squeeze your hand and tell you "It will be okay, I promise". In case when you have forgotten yourself, that person shows you, reminds you every little trace of you, so that you could gain back yourself. Your every gesture examiner, your expression reader, your inspiration, your  lucky-charm, the one who understands, the one who will lever leave like others did, the who will not judge, the one who will listen, the one who will become your smile, the one who will free you, the one who will love you.

THAT SOMETHING BECOMES YOUR EVERYTHING, THAT SOMEONE BECOMES YOUR WORLD.

 Thanks for reading,      

LOVE,

Jay

Let's Lead It

New Year, 2014. 

It feels it is just the week before I wrote my 2013 post. Time is that fast. 2013 ended on a good note, 2013 as I expected was the maintenance year for me where I had to remain balanced and patient in lot of things. And I feel I managed pretty well, 2013 was the year of lessons for me, a lot of them, I learnt some of them very smoothly but there were some which made me think profoundly challenging my thinking process at its very best. Some people came as friends and left as strangers again. Some are still with me. Talking about 2013 is talking about 'Patience' 'Composure' 'Solace' 'Fun' 'Night-outs' 'Happiness' 'Confidence'. Having said this, In November, there were times when I was harsh, rude to people. I lost my control, I became completely impatient and vulnerable. The month finished leaving a bitter taste into my head, and December was the most exciting month of the year, I never wanted it to end, it was dearest time to me so far.

There is this one thing I discovered in this year that changed a hell lot of my problems into solutions to my utter astonishment. I never knew the thing called 'HONESTY' works best and simplify things in long term. I adopted honesty and I'm glad I did.

2013, Yes! Not all the resolutions I made are successful, but some of them are! To my surprise, my perception changed for good when it comes to expecting things from people, patterns of my writing changed, I wrote most this year, I am fine with the things that can't be mine, I'm completely complacent with just what I have.

What's with 2014?

To complete some unfinished resolutions of year 2013 would be my first resolution this year. Besides, there have been changes into my thinking towards numerous things, and I love that evolvement of my mind which always prepares me for best and worst beforehand. My thinking at times acts as a protective case and I'm really happy with the system I possess (I'm not talking about my computer system here). So, this year also would be full of new resolutions.

Resolutions for this year:

Besides these, I would return calls to people ASAP and reply to their texts to the earliest.

Apart from resolutions, this year my prime focus would be 'Experimenting' experimenting on myself, experimenting on areas that I otherwise ignore, experimenting on some of the old rooted principles of mine just to make it work, if my dynamism enhances this way, I would be glad, besides getting different understanding of people is also something I want. I would try to listen more and step into the other person's shoes more often. I'm addicted to the feeling of sense of fulfillment, so I would do what I like, I would make a list of things that I want to do, and do every possible thing in this year that excites my senses and gets me satisfaction. I would practice forgiveness. I will let go of my sensitive behavior, so that I do not lose my patience soon. Also I would hunger more for knowledge of every kind, and work on my weak areas.

There is this instinctive feeling within me which tells me 'This year will be productive' if it turns reality, it will complete me as a person. I hope to do variety of activities this year.

And I promise to myself that I would be a better human being.

Let's hope for the best. I'm ready to be surprised by life again and waiting for the miracles as always. Let's have everything our way this year, let's drive our life scooter responsibly and take it through the paths of happiness and internal joy.

Wish you the very prolific year ahead.

Happy New Year.

LOVE,

Jay

Mere A Six-Letter Word?

  C-H-A-N-G-E

This six-letter word could be blessing for someone, and life destroying for someone else. For someone it could be ray of hope, for another it could just be an awful disease. 

Is change really for good?

Such a hypothetical question!!

For some people change is still the alien conundrum.

But for me it really isn't. Because I have seen change happening in front of my eyes, I have seen myself getting drenched in change, eagerly waiting for it, absorbing in it, crying through it, smiling in it, Feeling stupefied because of it, and in every other manner possible.

Change according to me is always for better, whether initially apparent or not. It has to be like that. 

Because, there are few things, which are not under our control. People change because times do, because situations do, and choices do. There were times when we laughed together and promised each other that this would remain that way forever. Thinking about that promise now gives me a good laugh and makes me wonder..........Is Forever so Little?

We laughed like child, now we are somber like adults.

We shared so many secrets, now we are little surreptitious.

We lived there, now we live somewhere else.

We liked that, now we like something else.

We believed in something, now we just don't.

Because it is 'Now' not 'then'. Because we have grown up, and we now know that change is unrestrained.  You can't be stiff, if you are, you will have to face many problems in life, you won't simply accept anything and will end up making yourself suffer every second.

·   Accept change because it is for 'You', It is designed for ‘You’

It is hard to believe but it is 'truth'. I have seen people who are castigated severely for something they haven't done, they are even put in jail, and when their retribution comes to an end, they are much more responsible persons than before, Initially they feel largely discontent, but when they accept everything they find 'sense' in it. These people when retrospect, they feel thankful for it, they feel it was important to go through that, because without that they wouldn't have felt what they are feeling today. They understand 'Freedom' in a more elaborated way than they ever did and that ultimately puts them at ease.

Situations can't remain static for long time, they change and with them everything changes too. Yes! That place where we use to play at some juncture, it is no more, Now there is huge building over that place. Why? Change. We were best of the friends once, and now none out of the two knows the other one exists, Why? Change. I was under-confident before, I am luxuriantly confident at present. Why? Change. I was doing X job back then and doing Y job currently. Why? Change.

It is part of everyone's life but very few people realize it, and fewer comprehend it and even fewer are happy with it.

Change is never for Worse, it is for Better.

Life will give you 10 things, you will relish them, it would take away 8 things back, you realize the value of them, you will work hard to get them back, and in the process you will see they are not important, your choices shifted, so your perception changed, so your priorities changed. And ultimately, you changed.

The point is if you think change is unfair, change your way of thinking for change first. Because if something is withdrawn, other something is coming your way. If someone goes from your life, someone else will come. You missed something, it was destined that way, you will have another opportunity, you are lonely, you are learning thousand things in this very time. You are feeling drowsy, you realize value of sound sleep, you were opulent and now needy, you now know true value of 'Money'.

Anything negative? I don't see it. 

 All I see in change is 'learning'. 

                              Don't fight change, embrace it…

Right now the time that you are having is the only time you are having, there won't be something like it ever again, get up and go to the places where you have always wished to go, Forgive people with whom you always have had grudges, Welcome change. They can't fulfill your every tiny expectation, nobody can. Accept them the way they are, you have something in this moment and in a jiffy you may lose it, so savor it before it goes, Nothing is permanent, enjoy the present, live in it, and at the same time, Revel in change

Childhood will never come back, School days will never return, Times would shift, People would change, choices will alter, situations will vary, Life would twist, all you have now is time that is running out, so make the most of it, you will have no regrets if you follow your heart.

You will always find yourself hugging the change, and the change will hug you back too 

Thanks for reading…

Àbientôt till next time!!

LOVE,

Jay