A Bizarre Longing

Sometimes you just feel different. You want different and expect different as well and then all the way the same. But, at times you feel certain unusual craving inside you which doesn't easily settle, in my case it's the craving which will give me nothing in particular but I want to do it. I want to do it for the other person not for myself.  Strange! But I feel a bizarre longing to love someone. Love a friend or even a stranger, I don't care. A stranger! Yes, that's what is bizarre.

LOVE, not to be loved back, but just love, simply and purely. For my own satisfaction or may be to complete myself as a person. But is it just about myself?

How about the one receiving the amount of this love? Wouldn't that person feel good after learning that 'He is vital' for other person in this otherwise messed up world, where relations lose their desirability in a fleeting time.

Whatever! I just want to love someone. And loving in such a manner in which he is never loved before. I would want to make the one feel out of this world, and would like to acquaint him about him. I want to appreciate every ingredient with which he is made and be interested in every tiny thought that crosses his mind. I want to be an avid listener to his stories, and the one who delights in his happiness. I unfailingly want to be there for him whenever he needs me and otherwise.

Caressing his hair, and trying to get drift of his every emotion. Showing genuine interest in knowing about his dainty encounters. Keeping a track on every little detail that he might be concerned with and every single person he has to do something with. But most importantly, I want him to see himself through my eyes, I would want to manifest him the beauty with which he is designed, how diligently he is important to this world and me for that matter. I would want to unveil the colors of this world to see the smile on his face. I will never fail to remind him that he is special for me. Never will I leave a chance that he gets to see the blue in his life. I would be there with him in the meltdowns (If any) standing like a pillar abreast him, So that he stands upright.

I would cast aside all the judgments passed against him, and ignore all the negative eyes. Irrespective of how is that person is treated in public; he would get all the attention from me and some more. There would be no basis of this love, maybe that's why it seems special. I would not love him for how is he as a person, but rather for how I am?

I want to transport the one I love to an entirely different world, where he is respected and pampered for who he is.

I'm not sure of who I want to love, and why? But,

I want to love someone unflinchingly and wholeheartedly.

P.s - Call it love for a human-being or friendship straight from the heart or a chance to make (best) use of the resource; you are having in shed loads which apparently is 'love' in my case. Sharing is good, so why not share that? *Wink*

Thanks for reading,

LOVE,

Jay

THAT SOMETHING !

A wanderer moving here and there in pursuit of ‘Something’

Something that he is mad about, something that he yearns for from core of his heart

Something that he feels he lacks, something that he knows wouldn't be easily catered to him

Something that could make his life worth living again, something that could expunge all the doleful moments,

Something which seems so effortless, yet at times nothing seems to be more unattainable than it.

Something that could Rejuvenate, something that is air of fresh breathe,

Something that seems so soothing even from distance, something that appears Lifelike,

Something that would bring pangs of amazement and contentment altogether.

Why is that something so tough to reach to? Why it takes so much time-almost like a lifetime?

 - May be its Elegance & Beauty merit this wait? If this is the case I'm ready to wait for eternity.

And that "Something" for me is somebody’s “Genuine Regard” towards me.

Really. Caring has become a rare verb in today's life.

In whatever situation you are in, at every juncture of life, you expect one person to be with you who knows about you and you would want to share such a tremendously powerful bond with him/her that nobody else has ever shared. But these days, people seem not to be caring about other person's mood/feelings. All they care about is theirs. You are at the dance party with your friends, everybody seems to be enjoying with each other while you are standing in a corner feeling awkward because you don't know how to dance, nobody knows about you, even if they do, they don't bother to care about how you must be feeling there, but then comes someone who ask you for your bad mood and is genuinely interested in making you feel better. It feels better gradually, you are not dancing, that's fine if you don't know it, at least there is someone who is like you, who bothers for you, for who you matter, for who your loneliness is more important than their enjoyment.

The one who truly cares about the other person is hard to find. One who puts you before oneself, who takes care about your every mood-swing, your every emotion is important to that person, you could share every little thought that crosses your mind with that person without fearing the judgment. In crowd of infinite interesting and cheerful people, that person who makes out you're feeling low and need to be talked to. You become center of that person's life in every way possible, but at the same time you get the required space. Someone who sets an example of concern. Someone showing you 'YOU' with their eyes, if you underestimate yourself, that person defies that you're not capable. Your choice, your favorites, your mood, your wish, your best attributes, your EVERYTHING.

In case of fear, that person comes to squeeze your hand and tell you "It will be okay, I promise". In case when you have forgotten yourself, that person shows you, reminds you every little trace of you, so that you could gain back yourself. Your every gesture examiner, your expression reader, your inspiration, your  lucky-charm, the one who understands, the one who will lever leave like others did, the who will not judge, the one who will listen, the one who will become your smile, the one who will free you, the one who will love you.

THAT SOMETHING BECOMES YOUR EVERYTHING, THAT SOMEONE BECOMES YOUR WORLD.

 Thanks for reading,      

LOVE,

Jay

Let's Lead It

New Year, 2014. 

It feels it is just the week before I wrote my 2013 post. Time is that fast. 2013 ended on a good note, 2013 as I expected was the maintenance year for me where I had to remain balanced and patient in lot of things. And I feel I managed pretty well, 2013 was the year of lessons for me, a lot of them, I learnt some of them very smoothly but there were some which made me think profoundly challenging my thinking process at its very best. Some people came as friends and left as strangers again. Some are still with me. Talking about 2013 is talking about 'Patience' 'Composure' 'Solace' 'Fun' 'Night-outs' 'Happiness' 'Confidence'. Having said this, In November, there were times when I was harsh, rude to people. I lost my control, I became completely impatient and vulnerable. The month finished leaving a bitter taste into my head, and December was the most exciting month of the year, I never wanted it to end, it was dearest time to me so far.

There is this one thing I discovered in this year that changed a hell lot of my problems into solutions to my utter astonishment. I never knew the thing called 'HONESTY' works best and simplify things in long term. I adopted honesty and I'm glad I did.

2013, Yes! Not all the resolutions I made are successful, but some of them are! To my surprise, my perception changed for good when it comes to expecting things from people, patterns of my writing changed, I wrote most this year, I am fine with the things that can't be mine, I'm completely complacent with just what I have.

What's with 2014?

To complete some unfinished resolutions of year 2013 would be my first resolution this year. Besides, there have been changes into my thinking towards numerous things, and I love that evolvement of my mind which always prepares me for best and worst beforehand. My thinking at times acts as a protective case and I'm really happy with the system I possess (I'm not talking about my computer system here). So, this year also would be full of new resolutions.

Resolutions for this year:

Besides these, I would return calls to people ASAP and reply to their texts to the earliest.

Apart from resolutions, this year my prime focus would be 'Experimenting' experimenting on myself, experimenting on areas that I otherwise ignore, experimenting on some of the old rooted principles of mine just to make it work, if my dynamism enhances this way, I would be glad, besides getting different understanding of people is also something I want. I would try to listen more and step into the other person's shoes more often. I'm addicted to the feeling of sense of fulfillment, so I would do what I like, I would make a list of things that I want to do, and do every possible thing in this year that excites my senses and gets me satisfaction. I would practice forgiveness. I will let go of my sensitive behavior, so that I do not lose my patience soon. Also I would hunger more for knowledge of every kind, and work on my weak areas.

There is this instinctive feeling within me which tells me 'This year will be productive' if it turns reality, it will complete me as a person. I hope to do variety of activities this year.

And I promise to myself that I would be a better human being.

Let's hope for the best. I'm ready to be surprised by life again and waiting for the miracles as always. Let's have everything our way this year, let's drive our life scooter responsibly and take it through the paths of happiness and internal joy.

Wish you the very prolific year ahead.

Happy New Year.

LOVE,

Jay

Mere A Six-Letter Word?

  C-H-A-N-G-E

This six-letter word could be blessing for someone, and life destroying for someone else. For someone it could be ray of hope, for another it could just be an awful disease. 

Is change really for good?

Such a hypothetical question!!

For some people change is still the alien conundrum.

But for me it really isn't. Because I have seen change happening in front of my eyes, I have seen myself getting drenched in change, eagerly waiting for it, absorbing in it, crying through it, smiling in it, Feeling stupefied because of it, and in every other manner possible.

Change according to me is always for better, whether initially apparent or not. It has to be like that. 

Because, there are few things, which are not under our control. People change because times do, because situations do, and choices do. There were times when we laughed together and promised each other that this would remain that way forever. Thinking about that promise now gives me a good laugh and makes me wonder..........Is Forever so Little?

We laughed like child, now we are somber like adults.

We shared so many secrets, now we are little surreptitious.

We lived there, now we live somewhere else.

We liked that, now we like something else.

We believed in something, now we just don't.

Because it is 'Now' not 'then'. Because we have grown up, and we now know that change is unrestrained.  You can't be stiff, if you are, you will have to face many problems in life, you won't simply accept anything and will end up making yourself suffer every second.

·   Accept change because it is for 'You', It is designed for ‘You’

It is hard to believe but it is 'truth'. I have seen people who are castigated severely for something they haven't done, they are even put in jail, and when their retribution comes to an end, they are much more responsible persons than before, Initially they feel largely discontent, but when they accept everything they find 'sense' in it. These people when retrospect, they feel thankful for it, they feel it was important to go through that, because without that they wouldn't have felt what they are feeling today. They understand 'Freedom' in a more elaborated way than they ever did and that ultimately puts them at ease.

Situations can't remain static for long time, they change and with them everything changes too. Yes! That place where we use to play at some juncture, it is no more, Now there is huge building over that place. Why? Change. We were best of the friends once, and now none out of the two knows the other one exists, Why? Change. I was under-confident before, I am luxuriantly confident at present. Why? Change. I was doing X job back then and doing Y job currently. Why? Change.

It is part of everyone's life but very few people realize it, and fewer comprehend it and even fewer are happy with it.

Change is never for Worse, it is for Better.

Life will give you 10 things, you will relish them, it would take away 8 things back, you realize the value of them, you will work hard to get them back, and in the process you will see they are not important, your choices shifted, so your perception changed, so your priorities changed. And ultimately, you changed.

The point is if you think change is unfair, change your way of thinking for change first. Because if something is withdrawn, other something is coming your way. If someone goes from your life, someone else will come. You missed something, it was destined that way, you will have another opportunity, you are lonely, you are learning thousand things in this very time. You are feeling drowsy, you realize value of sound sleep, you were opulent and now needy, you now know true value of 'Money'.

Anything negative? I don't see it. 

 All I see in change is 'learning'. 

                              Don't fight change, embrace it…

Right now the time that you are having is the only time you are having, there won't be something like it ever again, get up and go to the places where you have always wished to go, Forgive people with whom you always have had grudges, Welcome change. They can't fulfill your every tiny expectation, nobody can. Accept them the way they are, you have something in this moment and in a jiffy you may lose it, so savor it before it goes, Nothing is permanent, enjoy the present, live in it, and at the same time, Revel in change

Childhood will never come back, School days will never return, Times would shift, People would change, choices will alter, situations will vary, Life would twist, all you have now is time that is running out, so make the most of it, you will have no regrets if you follow your heart.

You will always find yourself hugging the change, and the change will hug you back too 

Thanks for reading…

Àbientôt till next time!!

LOVE,

Jay

Isn't It Incredible?

Yes It is and it feels so mesmerizing. It is breathtaking feeling almost. When?

When you are complacent!! When you are smug about the things that scared the life out of you at some juncture of your life.

You never thought you will grow confident, and look at you now not just confident but so astonishingly satisfied you have become, with all the things just remaining the same, the conditions, the people, and the only thing changing is your Attitude and times of course !

Isn't It really Incredible?

Ask to the one that use to fear everything then and now almost extremely dying for those same things.

It is such a lovely feeling when you smile just like that for no reason, when your heart confirms that you are so handsomely happy for the things that happened to you, all the So-Called BAD things as you say... Loneliness-Rejection-Denial and that big bundle of negative emotions including 'FEAR'. Something that daunted you every second of your life, something that didn't allow you to sleep, something that robbed the quiet and peace from your Life stulifying it so much that you almost reached the stage where you lost Every Hope, and you shuddered, you felt chills in your body! The people who didn't care to be with you that time, in your bad phase of life, no body looked up to you, no body called you, nobody messaged you, you lost touch with people you called "friends" and then ultimately you lost touch with yourself, and that time was so badly evil that you lost yourself, thoughts of ending your own life dwelt in your mind. You became a carcass.

And the worst thing,

NO BODY CARED.

Not when you were feeling alone and needed someone.

Not when you wanted to cry your heart out.

Not when you were expecting someone to turn up and accept you as you were.

Not when you wanted to speak.

Not when you wanted shoulders and a mere HUG

Not a statement saying "Gabra mat, main tere saath hun".

No, people weren't busy! Neither they were selfish! Nor was god being indifferent!

In fact, it was Him (The Ultimate One) who was watching this with utmost pleasure. And not only this He was the one who designed this for you, yes that loneliness, those fears, that trembling situation where you almost died not just once but millions of times.

Know why?

Because that was for 'YOU'. It was only then that you realized that trying to find your own happiness from people, from outside is such a BIG blunder you make, it is not going anywhere, because all you will be getting in return would be Indifference and a stupid empty feeling that "Nobody cares".

Then your heart closes for some time, and your logical brains start operating (Mine did). And then you realize that In pursuit of finding happiness all you got was 'Sadness'. And your approach was so wrong. How can you expect people to love you and accept you when in the first place you, yourself don't accept yourself?

Stop being so harsh on yourself...

You need power to Love yourself first (Because if you can't How come others will) Accept yourself, Accept your faults, Understand you are not perfect because nobody can be. Introspect within for what went wrong? Stop relying on people to know yourself. Know for yourself, understand yourself and decide things on your own.

How can someone hurt you and tell you who you are without your permission?

The bad thing is people often do this and they won't stop it. The fact is you have to stop. You have to stop taking their judgments so seriously, Just don't pay the heed to what they say about you (Ultimately you know yourself, and what you think of yourself matters and not what others think of you)

Take the shit from people almost smilingly and when they turn back, Bury that over that place and just Move on ...Because there are so many other important things that you are supposed to do rather than this shit.

Be confident about what you are doing is right if it is that what your heart says you to do.

People are people, they are made to hurt you in some way or other, but your attitude would change everything. You could use that Condemn to hurt yourself and as source of your tears, and other way round you can use it as source of your own motivation to move ahead.

Yep its your choice, Seriously all these bad things happen to you to make you aware about you and your own strengths. It is actually that simple.

Stop Crying. What happened just happened! You have got no control over the past but future.

You can change things now, You can make things work for you your way, Be serene, Be calm, make peace with yourself, love that tender heart inside you which is craving to get love, once your own heart is satisfied, you will have overflow of love, and then others would be getting that love too, once they get it, they can't resist loving you back, respecting you, respecting your opinions, and accepting you so cordially. 

So ultimately you got what you want and how ? Just by changing your attitude towards your life, towards your problems, towards other people. 

It happened with me as well, Even I was alone, Even I was Rejected, Even I had my share in shedding tears, Even I wanted things that time which weren't granted to me, But Now?

Now I have got gazillion reasons to Thank god,  It just happened when I changed My attitude, It just happened when I tried to Understand myself and I started working on my shortcomings, On my fears.

I stopped judging myself,  I worked on the things I was already good at, and on the things I was surprisingly bad, I stopped myself from knowing just everything, I adopted minimalist approach of life,  I tried to smile,  I tried to be happy with just what I had,  I tried to find reasons to be thankful towards everything and everyone, I moved out of my shell,  I came out of my comfort zone and did things that generally I would easily get away with,  I put in efforts to speak to people,  I was considered A reticent before and Now I am the greatest of Blabbermouths that people know of.

And Finally I was sorted one day, I was so happy after meeting myself. It was such a Beautiful journey of knowing myself, I Started incessantly Thanking to all people who weren't there with me when I needed them, because then I couldn't have got the World's Biggest Gift - "Me"

And Now, I revel in my Life, Even In my fears, even when I am having a Downfall because its all for Good I have known this over the years of loneliness

I dance in delight. I am carefree; I welcome Problems so I can discover one more new aspect about myself.

I am friendly and warmer than before, I search for the opportunities to help someone with something today,

I Celebrate Myself every day! I thank god for making me what I am today, I never in my life thought I could 

Ever wake up smiling, just be happy without any reason, Keep Faith, Act Confident

But all of these Presents which looked impossible once, came to me in the nicest way possible, they knocked on my door one day and I kept them forever, and now they are stuck to my 'Soul'

So, if you are in a situation where you feel there is nobody who loves you, Remember There is God who always does, and he always will! Don't Lose Hope, have some faith in Yourself, Pull up your socks once again, Cry for some time, and then pick up those pieces of your lovely heart and move on with it, Give your life a New direction, work on your skills and your flaws, and once again the day will come when you will SHINE and shine so sparklingly that everybody will see!! You will be happy without people, without anything but yourself, that happiness will last till eternity because you accidentally clicked that "Super-Abundant-Happy' button in your heart, and now the procreation of it would never stop !! But that's what you wanted No? Of course...


So If my Life could change, Why can't yours? trust me It will... 

Just start loving yourself, because that's the core step

All I observe myself asking often now is “Isn't It Incredible"?

And then I smile in a smug satisfaction which answers this question J

Thanks for reading…

LOVE,

Jay