One Side, but the other!

One Side of me wants to run away badly, the other one wants to stay back and watch everything passively!

One Side of me wants to solve those riddles of life, the other one is waiting for answers to get unfolded itself.

One Side of me is ready for a fresh start, the other one is just too tired to do that.

One Side of me feels defeated, the other one is too reluctant to give up.

One Side of me is craving to speak, the other one is intensely wanting silence.

One Side of me is so certain that this is temporary, the other one is just feeling unfair.

One Side of me is feeling torpid, the other one is still vividly alive.

One Side of me feels envious, the other one feels fortunate.

One Side of me feels so uneasy, the other one feels so composed.

One Side of me knows what's missing, the other one is just too nescient.

One Side of me feels being watched, the other one feels being disregarded.

One Side of me has a good deal of optimism, the other one is sumptuously rich with negativity.

One Side of me wants to wail, the other one is unable to shed tears.

One Side of me knows that love could heal, the other one just feels its unavailing.

One Side of me wants to try one more time, the other one is too jaded to give-in.

One Side of me wants to leave it to Almighty, the other one feels it is too illogical.

One Side of me is going with the flow, the other is absolutely handicapped.

One Side of me is still hopeful, the other one is heart-sick forever!

P.S - This is Life, This is Me...Sometimes I feel I So know it, but sometimes I feel I know nothing about myself and this thing called- life.

Those Various Nights !!

I remember those various nights very clearly…

And being lover of darkness, I love night time more than any other time of the day.

I love Darkness. I often wish the night would never end. I sometimes never wish to see the morning the next day, but just enjoy the serenity of night when everyone else is sleeping in their own cocoon, and there is nobody to disturb me, I'm pleased with silence. I find myself thinking about my past, and various things I did in the past, I think about my desires and aspirations, I don't worry about the future that time because I like to believe that this night is never getting over so I have too much time to think and live it fully and in the way I want to...

But this never happens, as soon as I sleep, all at once I feel morning has arrived bringing those daily chores with it, bringing those daily schedules, that daily catalogue of prosy tasks that I have to complete, those so-called duties that I am supposed to fulfill..

Nevertheless, I'm blessed with the unusual memory powers and the visualization adroitness that let me enjoy my life as it is and I always like to believe there is yet Best to happen.

Talking about the Nights here reminds me of various different nights that I have ever spent till the date at different places other than my very own HOME.

The extremely beautiful thing about each of them is their peculiarity and extraordinary charm.

I remember those nights when I use to sleep on the terrace of my old house with all of my family members and relatives, when we, the children use to enjoy on our own, sitting on that half wall discussing everything under this sun, mainly about the school and toys, while our mommies use to gather to discuss various gossips of the day, and our daddies use to sit together discussing their profession and business things. Everyone was just so busy in their selves

It was so relaxing, with that I remember that heavy dinner had with those delicious mangoes and that eagerness to catch up with each other after finishing our supper. We use to look forward to it. There was no worry. There was no past, no future. It was just present then. It was delighting!!! I still remember that smell of the atmosphere, I could still clearly feel that Excitement of playing on the next day and the next night altogether, endless plans we use to make!!!

Even few of the nights that I spent at my maternal grandmother’s were wondrous. That night of the cool breeze with that extreme hot glass of milk that my masi use to give me before sleep. The milk tasted different there, its taste was unique. I, my mother and my two masis use to sleep together at terrace, and they always use to talk over petty issues like their new dresses they bought, or the new home equipments, they use to argue and even verbally fight on trivial matters. And in the next moment support each other for piddling victories. They were truly unpredictable. And I, use to hear those gossips and laugh uncontrollably over the humorous remarks they use to make. It was a fun experience!!That stay over there was refreshing due to summer vacations.

Some of the nights I spent with few of my tuition mates, Namely Aakash, Bhavesh, and Manish for "Studies". We use to end up doing everything except studies, As soon as we use to meet after dinner at someone's house we use to plan what is to be done and what is there to be completed till morning. Further watching Tv, lots of masti, and pranks we finally use to sleep, promising each other that we would study after midnight, making those alarms and waking each other up next morning and having failed to do so, use to go back to sleep again. And then finally early morning waking up for that very much required "Cup of tea" and going back to our respective homes again. It may seem useless, but we enjoyed those conversations, those funny moments, that concern for each other in studies only though. It is nostalgic, and sometimes I smile remembering all this. I'm sure it would never come back because it is just possibly me who remember all this. Whatever but “IT-IS-MEMORABLE"

Besides this, the other Amazing nights were those when I stayed back at my aunt's. It was in Himmatnagar at a distance of 70 miles from my home. My father's sister, we call her baby since childhood. Funnily I use to call this place "Babynagar". It was my vacation when I went there. Though I wasn't prepared for it because before that I never stayed at her place but then I felt excited to try this, and besides I was too bored from my city as all my friends were away from Ahmedabad to enjoy their holidays. So I finally reached there with my bags full of clothes and other things. They live in a joint family with too many cousins and their elder aunt whom they address as "Bhabhi" and their elder uncle as "Kaka". Initially I was hesitant to talk to every one of them other than my cousins, but with just two three days of staying with them filled me with uttermost joy and excitement. I started feeling like my own home. They started enjoying my company too, I use to share with them various Ahmedabad incidents, I use to imitate one of my paternal aunts, and tell them the situations when she uses Sindhi + Hindi in a very amusing way which would bring giggles of laughter among them. They made perfect delicious Aam-Ka-ras within minutes which was mouth-watering and every day I just couldn't have less than two full bowls of it. Besides that ultra-luscious "Chai-with-elaichi-powder" that they made every hour of the day was perfectly palatable to me, Of course I'm a great "Chai-Ka-fan" I use go with cousins of my cousins to their workplaces and they took care of me like their own brother, They made me enjoy different places in their areas, parks, restaurants etc.

See, the joy within me came back to life that I discussed everything here other than nights!! Of course if day could be so much fun, the night has to be equally enjoyable. They cook delicious food and take extra care of their meals that consist of no. of things, like salad, curds, pickles, Aam-ka-ras, papads, at least two sabzis, which was again very inviting. I use to immensely enjoy the meals there, and after having my dinner, I use to go on a walk by a nearby street with my cousin and their cousins for normal conversations and a Dessert. Can anyone ask for anything more? I feel not. That was like complete to me! There was a certain bond that had been created between me and everyone in their family. Bhabhie use to take me to market where she would meet with her other friends and gossip and buy vegetables. Besides, I use to roam on a cycle with cousins of my cousins, Strangely I felt connected to them even more than my own cousins. They were fun-loving and great foodie like me. I remember those nights when after all this I finally use to go to terrace, after changing into night clothes and two pillows and have a chat with 'Baby' about my day and other things before sleeping and then a cool breeze would set everybody to deep sleep.

This is something very close to my heart, because I know how much I enjoyed my stay there which lasted for merely 10 days and seemed like forever. I came back home after ten days, and I was missing them, and they were missing me too. It was a totally immeasurable fun.

Other than these, there were nights spent with my cousin "BITTU" at my home and her home too. She would converse with me unendingly about random things, she was the most humorous person I ever knew that time, she would treat me with love and affection and hug me all now and then, sleeping next to her was like relaxing, she would tell me her stories about her life, and how one day she will have to leave me after marriage, the time eventually came, it is years now since we talked more than 10 minutes, strangely marriage change girls drastically, I wish just a girl in her would have changed and not my sister. 

There were other nights when because of rain we would quickly come back from terrace downstairs to complete the sleep during midnight, it was so irritating because it would interrupt our sleep but so pleasing because of the possibility of sleeping for hours more before it was morning.

There were other nights when I didn't sleep, kept thinking about common things.

There were other nights when I studied from the notes given by my tuition teacher for my exams, sitting in a balcony.

There were other nights when I worried extremely about my homework given by my class teacher which I hadn't done.

There were other nights when world was just what we could see that time with our own eyes.

The other nights when I enjoyed with gas balloons for hours.

The other nights when I wondered endlessly seeing the moonlight.

The other nights when I would enjoy sounds of thunderstorms of rain, secretly wishing for school closure the next morning.

So these are the nights that I still enjoy in my thinking, in my little heart. It is so easy to travel back to these times and places in your head, but so impossible in reality.

I enjoyed writing this. It brought flood of memories back altogether.

Thanks for reading!!

Love

Jay...

Acceptance is Everything !!

Readers !!

 Hope you doing good !! 

And everyone wants that thing. Everyone does everything in a way to obtain that thing. There is nobody devoid of this urge to relish this feeling.

What it is?

It is ACCEPTANCE.

Yes! Truly everybody loves the feeling of getting accepted. Everyone endlessly looks for the approval of his thoughts, his mindset, his doings, his feelings, so that he could approve this everything himself.

Ego is a strange thing. We know ourselves so much yet we don't know. We are so sure about something and in the next moment possibly so unsure about it.

Acceptance is indeed indispensable element in life. For me another word for Friendship is "Acceptance"

How can this be so important?

Human beings can't live alone. They always need someone around. They need constant support from other people. They need reminders that they are Good, And unique at least in something.

They look for various things/people all through their lives. Their search seems to be endless though their life doesn't. In this Race & Rush of things, deep down everyone actually wants just one thing and that is "Acceptance". Yes it is that needed.

Just imagine you are having an hard day

And deep-plunged into thoughts of what is happening? What's wrong?

Then comes someone who says “Hey! What's up!  Oh god! Are you still over that thing? Oh C'mon Dude Forget it. Mistakes happen. It is not worth thinking on that. I know you will make it that way... You are Actual good. Trust me on this! And if it doesn't work out I'm always here..next to you! Just chill.

Sigh!!! 

Though Your problem is still not solved but there is Relief!

Why?

Because certain person assured you that you will make it. In another words Accepted you as you are!

It is so good to do something so little for someone having impact on his mindset which is so HUGE.

This is Magic of Acceptance!!

Accept the things as they are. Accept different people as they are. We will have complains with everybody and always. But voicing it every time isn't necessary. Instead, if you want to change something about someone do it other way round.  Let's say if you don't like certain habit/quality of someone. Just don't attack them by mocking or with comments of contempt. It never works! Ask me :P

It is very easy. Just accept them. Appreciate their 10 other qualities that you like and tell them that you absolutely love those habits of them. And then say except this one that "you always are late". The impact of this Not-so-direct-yet-so-direct-method would be surprising! The other person will give it a serious thought why? Because now they are assured that you love them, and that you actually appreciate them for many other things. He will crave for appreciation for this thing too. He would become eager to get accepted fully by you. And eventually he will rectify this error, or fulfill this shortcoming..

Thing is done! And in fact this way you won another person's respect too.

And even if you don't want to get something out of someone. Acceptance is an exceptional gift that you can give to someone and they are surely going to love it.

Acceptance is a great thing. It satisfies someone's hungry senses, making him confident and liberal which will help him to be more natural and compliant towards you.

Just accept people. Don't go on making those assumptions about them, Don't blame them for anything which is because it doesn't work so there is nothing fruitful in that. Moreover you might have done the same thing/reacted same as he did/took the same decision that he took if you were in his shoes. You never know!

Acceptance will open those hidden doors for you; Acceptance will always bring positivity and eagerness in others. It would induce greeting and pleasure in someone's heart for you which is exactly what you wish to have.

Furthermore,

Why not try to be selfless sometimes?

It is so good to listen to someone's stories, their problems, their life's happenings and then accepting them and providing them with full assurance of what they are doing is thoroughly commendable. 

It's so good to have people around who know how we are. They are fully aware about our thought-process, our life's events, and our background and still choose to be with us that to so readily. It definitely feels pleasing and winsome altogether because we feel accepted.

Just do something extra to make someone feel good.

Just walk that extra mile to make someone realize that you care.

Just say those extra little appreciating words to make someone smile.

Just reply to someone's texts in detail sometimes, loaded with those extra smileys.

Just show tinge of concern for people who are feeling helpless.

Just ask for the refill of 'chai ka cup' to talk more with someone. He/She will feel delighted!!

Just care to ask someone about his/her day to show him that he/she is important.

Just take time to call them and ask them if they are okay or if need something.

Just try to genuinely admire someone's quality it could be her looks, her dressing style or her cooking skills or her wittiness, just anything!

Just take his/her hands in yours and squeeze it and assure them everything will be alright. Just tell them to trust their self, ask them to have hope, tell them they could do it and hug them telling them you are an amazing person! They will feel real good because they can count on you because you accept them!

It just takes these extra tiny efforts to do something special for someone, but the impact it has on another person is tremendous in itself.

So next time when you want to surprise someone positively, Remember ACCEPT THEM!

There is no charm like one which ACCEPTANCE has!!

Getting accepted is the greatest hidden urge within human-being which needs to be understood and satisfied.

Thanks for reading! 

Love 

      Jay...

Wait ! You Might Be Fooling Yourself !!

Without even thinking for a second, we declare our opinions :

You are so stupid!

You are so slow!

You are so arrgh boring! 

Or on the contrary,

You are Intelligent!

You are Actual smart!

I agree with you, you are Right! 

Wait... What exactly I'm talking about here!?

It’s something called Human nature!

Still not clear...Okay! Let me say "Human Assumptions"

What is Assumption?

A noun? Yeah! And?

It is a Disease!! A mental disease!!

We are always taught to look at the things as they actually look!

Can it be true every time?

May be, May be not!

And for this "May be not", I decided to write this post!!

Okay! Let's begin...

What I mean to convey is, things are always not as we look to them, or as we perceive them.

In fact they could be totally antithesis of what 'we thought' or 'we perceived'

Of course everyone is proud of their opinions, their standpoint and their understanding

But actually it is just that what they are comfortable with! They don't know the truth. So they assume!

Assumption could possibly be truth. But on other side it could be miles far from truth.

What we see from naked eyes couldn't just be the exact thing in a complete form! It could be incomplete! It could be part of truth! It could be totally reversal of it!

Basically, it could be everything that we don't know. It could be everything that we are oblivious of! The strange thing about truth is its Inflexibility. You can show the truth in whatever light you want to show it in, but the truth in its actual form wouldn't change! It just wouldn't!  There are diverse angles of seeing truth, and varied angles of comprehending it. 

Truth doesn't work on ones pleasures! It could be favorable or unfavorable, but the real essence of truth is something that very less people understand.

What you call 'Truth' is what you feel is truth and not the actual 'Truth'. For you its truth because it’s convenient and because it’s favorable to you. You would only find actual truth when you would stop assuming and move from your comfort zone; prepare yourself for complete unpredictable impact on you that truth might have.

The So-called Dialogue: First Impression is Last Impression!! Needn't necessarily be true... Again it’s the perspective thing, or in other words 'As you take it'. Talking about me, I find it ridiculous. How can we know someone merely with the sight at first, how can we assume that person is beautiful if he/she is wearing sophisticated clothes and looks rich. It is possible that he/she is made to look like that on that very day, May be he/she could be a criminal that is asking for luxurious life for a day just before he/she is hung until death as his/her last wish !

Now, from an example of my own life,

If I, sitting in a large group of people am laughing loudly, does it imply I'm happy? Extremely happy?

Yes is the answer for majority of normal people. But it could mean anything no?

Can't it be like I'm really sad most of the times and when I find these particular people I forget my worries, and start living in the moment and look so happy like I have never looked before.

Can't it be like for the sake of 'them' I’m behaving that way just to send them the confirmation that I'm happy, though inside I might really not be!

Or

Can't it be like when I appear to be so happy when somewhere the comment is passed on me saying that "Look at him, I wish I were that happy" When actually I'm not happy and inside me there is turmoil for which everybody around is unmindful ! It is possible

Or let's take it other way, 

Someone who appears to be well-mixed up with people may actually be feeling lonely but isn't showing even the tinge of that on his/her face.

Someone, who seems to be eating an amazing no. of cheese burgers at a restaurant all at same time giving everybody around the idea that 'he is gourmet' may actually be having those burgers after having followed the strict diet chart of years from his gym.

Someone who is late for three times consecutively at office meeting, considered as an excuse maker could actually, genuinely was trying to reach on time but something real urgent or demanding came every three times and he got late. Doesn't mean he would come late for rest of the life. Does it? Not really.

Someone who failed in an exam or an important academic test would do no good in future?

What? Oh really! He might outdo every topper under this sun someday. Isn't it possible? For me it definitely is!

Someone who is following a girl everyday on a way after she leaves her home for office would be called a STALKER or a DESPO! Can't it be like that he just wants to have a conversation with her for once? Or may be casual friendship? Or may be some office related information? Or maybe he wants to tell her something really crucial about her ex-boyfriend spreading false stories about her? It could be anything! 

Someone who is looking dull and mediocre could be most interesting person ever..He might chooses to be quiet sometimes, may be he has so many people in his life that he makes it look like he is boring and uninteresting to avoid coming in contact with any more people or may be something else ! Who Knows !!

How can someone be so presumptive?

How can someone comment on something/someone so confidently without having proper insight of that particular thing/person? How can someone be so uppish? Why are people not ready to see it other way? Why don't they believe in the possibility of it being a total blunder? Or their comment totally wrong? May be they are too proud to do that but that's not an excuse to get away from truth isn't it? There is no getting away from truth. The truth always finds its way from various false barriers, from various "Assumptions", from various "Perceptions".

Its matter of choice, you take what you understand. You consider what you can relate to! You can be near to truth yet totally unaware. You could know the truth but are not willing to accept.

Just remember, everything that we see or perceive may not be true as it is ! It might be hiding something that we never know about, may  be its something that we are unable to see, so keep those eyes ready for surprise !

The truth is Final. Yes! But the irony is that even that 'Finale' is different for different people! What a Hypothetical thing this truth is! Well I believe truth is as clear as crystal. Its matter of seeing it from different angles. Its matter of seeing it wholly. Its matter of accepting whatever result it brings. Its matter of surrendering yourself to truth, the 'Actual Truth'.

No I don't want you to end your every sentence with "May be". Neither I want you to be unsure about anything, I just don't wish to see you unyielding when you eventually find out truth that might be unfavorable for you.

I'm not against you or your perception. I just want you to be prepared for the complete inversion from that perception which could be 'Truth'

Just-be-prepared, 

Truth could surprise you. 

Truth could shake you. 

Truth could satisfy you.

Truth could send you on the guilt trip.

Truth could clarify.

Truth could mystify.

It’s about level of your mental preparation to accept it matters.

Let's not assume things, let's surrender ourselves to something called "Truth", 

'THE ACTUAL TRUTH'

Thanks for reading!!!

Love,

J

Hey Life! When are you changing?

I am smiling and laughing with giggles on small things.

What does it suggest?

I'm happy. Can't you see it on my face? In fact, I'm feeling top of this world pondering over where to throw the party tonight and whom to invite.

And for all of you who are reading this and smiling.  

THE ABOVE STATEMENT WAS SARCASTIC.

So what's wrong with me?

I have no Idea, or better I should say an ocean of ideas to explain why am I not enjoying and in the right frame of my mind these days.

I want to leave the world I m currently living in. (The world around me and not THE EARTH )

The world where you can't count on anyone for support or merely a HUG. The world where people are not leaving even one chance to put you down. Mocking and Insulting has become a daily routine, and you are so trying to come out of it but somehow you cannot, you aren't able to. Because of what? Your daily 'schedule' or your 'Responsibilities' towards tonnes of folks. People around you passing those harsh comments and that feeling of being low and being targeted don't go. It follows you every odd second of your life making you feel really bad about yourself. There is maddening rush in which you are trying your best not to lose your calm and patience, but the circumstances are such that you can't hold them. It has become so heavy that you feel you are in the cage from ages, and someone doesn't let you go. You Think, You cry, but keep quiet. Because you don't really have the people around you who could just ''LISTEN'' to you. Solving your problems and supporting is beyond Fantasy.

Living around the so-called 'Friends' who do not even know what are you going through? Who don't even care to call you and ask you 'Are you okay '? Or 'How are you doing'?  Who don't bother to remain in contact with you. Who are just not interested in "YOU" all they are interested in is "Themselves". All they are concerned about is what is going with them, their mind, their thoughts, their friends, their life events, their problems, their ideas, their moods and their whereabouts. Basically, 'their' LIFE and not 'YOURS'.

What about You?

Off-course you are their 'friend' and are 'important' as well. Otherwise, who would they tell it to?

There are just two things they know about: ONE is your NAME and other is that you are their listener. That's all

You think, Cry bitterly inside and are tired of showing that there is nothing wrong and everything is FINE.

There is storm inside, storm of negative air and plethora of insecurities and nameless fears that are making you weaker every moment and stronger at the same time.

There is no one to look into your eyes just to identify the real 'YOU'. Nobody is that caring or in other words I say 'FREE'. Indeed they are too self-obsessed to realize that YOU exist.

These feelings get backed up by the one 'MOTHER-OF-EVIL-feeling' that is 'Unproductivity'

You feel you are worthless and good-for-nothing. Not because you really are! Never! It's just circumstances and wrong people.

I want to run away from this. All this mess and World-of-selfish-people.

How I want my life to be?

I want to get free from this and fly; fly endlessly till every sense within me is satisfied to the fullest.

I want to go to place where my day starts with a Morning JOG with my friends, proceeds working somewhere and do the things/tasks I enjoy doing, and ends with a cup of 'Tea' and some conversations in an open air of the balcony in Evening. I want my weekends to be 'Interesting' and myself to be Alive-and-jolly surrounded by a few people who care about me and my existence. Ones who are as much interested in me as much they are in their 'self'.

I want to go where people live for others, where HUGS are exchanged on an hourly-basis. Where  people jump out of excitement just to help each other. Where there are enthusiastic people around me who are always willing to try new things, who make me realize that I am someone, and I am important to them. Just an effort (10 second long) of saying:

"Jay yaar sab kuchh theek ho jayega, hum hain na” could make my day. Could make me feel positive and hopeful that "Koi toh hai jisko mujhse farak padta hai" 

Is this too much to ask for?

I so desperately want to leave this behind, leave everything, leave everyone, leave this negative atmosphere and start a new journey in search of something new. In search of 'Myself'. I want to trust my instincts once again. I want to smile once again and not a fake smile this time. I want to speak my heart out. I want to identify my passion. I want to do every adventurous thing under this sky. I want to learn so many things. I want to laugh endlessly. I want to cry to feel light. I want to Re-live with Right people.

And above all,

I want to remain a mystery to the people who ignored me and thought I am nothing. I don't want to see their faces ever again in my life. I just want to disappear from this world all for GOOD.

Is it really possible?

I'm yet to know this.