Wait ! You Might Be Fooling Yourself !!

Without even thinking for a second, we declare our opinions :

You are so stupid!

You are so slow!

You are so arrgh boring! 

Or on the contrary,

You are Intelligent!

You are Actual smart!

I agree with you, you are Right! 

Wait... What exactly I'm talking about here!?

It’s something called Human nature!

Still not clear...Okay! Let me say "Human Assumptions"

What is Assumption?

A noun? Yeah! And?

It is a Disease!! A mental disease!!

We are always taught to look at the things as they actually look!

Can it be true every time?

May be, May be not!

And for this "May be not", I decided to write this post!!

Okay! Let's begin...

What I mean to convey is, things are always not as we look to them, or as we perceive them.

In fact they could be totally antithesis of what 'we thought' or 'we perceived'

Of course everyone is proud of their opinions, their standpoint and their understanding

But actually it is just that what they are comfortable with! They don't know the truth. So they assume!

Assumption could possibly be truth. But on other side it could be miles far from truth.

What we see from naked eyes couldn't just be the exact thing in a complete form! It could be incomplete! It could be part of truth! It could be totally reversal of it!

Basically, it could be everything that we don't know. It could be everything that we are oblivious of! The strange thing about truth is its Inflexibility. You can show the truth in whatever light you want to show it in, but the truth in its actual form wouldn't change! It just wouldn't!  There are diverse angles of seeing truth, and varied angles of comprehending it. 

Truth doesn't work on ones pleasures! It could be favorable or unfavorable, but the real essence of truth is something that very less people understand.

What you call 'Truth' is what you feel is truth and not the actual 'Truth'. For you its truth because it’s convenient and because it’s favorable to you. You would only find actual truth when you would stop assuming and move from your comfort zone; prepare yourself for complete unpredictable impact on you that truth might have.

The So-called Dialogue: First Impression is Last Impression!! Needn't necessarily be true... Again it’s the perspective thing, or in other words 'As you take it'. Talking about me, I find it ridiculous. How can we know someone merely with the sight at first, how can we assume that person is beautiful if he/she is wearing sophisticated clothes and looks rich. It is possible that he/she is made to look like that on that very day, May be he/she could be a criminal that is asking for luxurious life for a day just before he/she is hung until death as his/her last wish !

Now, from an example of my own life,

If I, sitting in a large group of people am laughing loudly, does it imply I'm happy? Extremely happy?

Yes is the answer for majority of normal people. But it could mean anything no?

Can't it be like I'm really sad most of the times and when I find these particular people I forget my worries, and start living in the moment and look so happy like I have never looked before.

Can't it be like for the sake of 'them' I’m behaving that way just to send them the confirmation that I'm happy, though inside I might really not be!

Or

Can't it be like when I appear to be so happy when somewhere the comment is passed on me saying that "Look at him, I wish I were that happy" When actually I'm not happy and inside me there is turmoil for which everybody around is unmindful ! It is possible

Or let's take it other way, 

Someone who appears to be well-mixed up with people may actually be feeling lonely but isn't showing even the tinge of that on his/her face.

Someone, who seems to be eating an amazing no. of cheese burgers at a restaurant all at same time giving everybody around the idea that 'he is gourmet' may actually be having those burgers after having followed the strict diet chart of years from his gym.

Someone who is late for three times consecutively at office meeting, considered as an excuse maker could actually, genuinely was trying to reach on time but something real urgent or demanding came every three times and he got late. Doesn't mean he would come late for rest of the life. Does it? Not really.

Someone who failed in an exam or an important academic test would do no good in future?

What? Oh really! He might outdo every topper under this sun someday. Isn't it possible? For me it definitely is!

Someone who is following a girl everyday on a way after she leaves her home for office would be called a STALKER or a DESPO! Can't it be like that he just wants to have a conversation with her for once? Or may be casual friendship? Or may be some office related information? Or maybe he wants to tell her something really crucial about her ex-boyfriend spreading false stories about her? It could be anything! 

Someone who is looking dull and mediocre could be most interesting person ever..He might chooses to be quiet sometimes, may be he has so many people in his life that he makes it look like he is boring and uninteresting to avoid coming in contact with any more people or may be something else ! Who Knows !!

How can someone be so presumptive?

How can someone comment on something/someone so confidently without having proper insight of that particular thing/person? How can someone be so uppish? Why are people not ready to see it other way? Why don't they believe in the possibility of it being a total blunder? Or their comment totally wrong? May be they are too proud to do that but that's not an excuse to get away from truth isn't it? There is no getting away from truth. The truth always finds its way from various false barriers, from various "Assumptions", from various "Perceptions".

Its matter of choice, you take what you understand. You consider what you can relate to! You can be near to truth yet totally unaware. You could know the truth but are not willing to accept.

Just remember, everything that we see or perceive may not be true as it is ! It might be hiding something that we never know about, may  be its something that we are unable to see, so keep those eyes ready for surprise !

The truth is Final. Yes! But the irony is that even that 'Finale' is different for different people! What a Hypothetical thing this truth is! Well I believe truth is as clear as crystal. Its matter of seeing it from different angles. Its matter of seeing it wholly. Its matter of accepting whatever result it brings. Its matter of surrendering yourself to truth, the 'Actual Truth'.

No I don't want you to end your every sentence with "May be". Neither I want you to be unsure about anything, I just don't wish to see you unyielding when you eventually find out truth that might be unfavorable for you.

I'm not against you or your perception. I just want you to be prepared for the complete inversion from that perception which could be 'Truth'

Just-be-prepared, 

Truth could surprise you. 

Truth could shake you. 

Truth could satisfy you.

Truth could send you on the guilt trip.

Truth could clarify.

Truth could mystify.

It’s about level of your mental preparation to accept it matters.

Let's not assume things, let's surrender ourselves to something called "Truth", 

'THE ACTUAL TRUTH'

Thanks for reading!!!

Love,

J

Hey Life! When are you changing?

I am smiling and laughing with giggles on small things.

What does it suggest?

I'm happy. Can't you see it on my face? In fact, I'm feeling top of this world pondering over where to throw the party tonight and whom to invite.

And for all of you who are reading this and smiling.  

THE ABOVE STATEMENT WAS SARCASTIC.

So what's wrong with me?

I have no Idea, or better I should say an ocean of ideas to explain why am I not enjoying and in the right frame of my mind these days.

I want to leave the world I m currently living in. (The world around me and not THE EARTH )

The world where you can't count on anyone for support or merely a HUG. The world where people are not leaving even one chance to put you down. Mocking and Insulting has become a daily routine, and you are so trying to come out of it but somehow you cannot, you aren't able to. Because of what? Your daily 'schedule' or your 'Responsibilities' towards tonnes of folks. People around you passing those harsh comments and that feeling of being low and being targeted don't go. It follows you every odd second of your life making you feel really bad about yourself. There is maddening rush in which you are trying your best not to lose your calm and patience, but the circumstances are such that you can't hold them. It has become so heavy that you feel you are in the cage from ages, and someone doesn't let you go. You Think, You cry, but keep quiet. Because you don't really have the people around you who could just ''LISTEN'' to you. Solving your problems and supporting is beyond Fantasy.

Living around the so-called 'Friends' who do not even know what are you going through? Who don't even care to call you and ask you 'Are you okay '? Or 'How are you doing'?  Who don't bother to remain in contact with you. Who are just not interested in "YOU" all they are interested in is "Themselves". All they are concerned about is what is going with them, their mind, their thoughts, their friends, their life events, their problems, their ideas, their moods and their whereabouts. Basically, 'their' LIFE and not 'YOURS'.

What about You?

Off-course you are their 'friend' and are 'important' as well. Otherwise, who would they tell it to?

There are just two things they know about: ONE is your NAME and other is that you are their listener. That's all

You think, Cry bitterly inside and are tired of showing that there is nothing wrong and everything is FINE.

There is storm inside, storm of negative air and plethora of insecurities and nameless fears that are making you weaker every moment and stronger at the same time.

There is no one to look into your eyes just to identify the real 'YOU'. Nobody is that caring or in other words I say 'FREE'. Indeed they are too self-obsessed to realize that YOU exist.

These feelings get backed up by the one 'MOTHER-OF-EVIL-feeling' that is 'Unproductivity'

You feel you are worthless and good-for-nothing. Not because you really are! Never! It's just circumstances and wrong people.

I want to run away from this. All this mess and World-of-selfish-people.

How I want my life to be?

I want to get free from this and fly; fly endlessly till every sense within me is satisfied to the fullest.

I want to go to place where my day starts with a Morning JOG with my friends, proceeds working somewhere and do the things/tasks I enjoy doing, and ends with a cup of 'Tea' and some conversations in an open air of the balcony in Evening. I want my weekends to be 'Interesting' and myself to be Alive-and-jolly surrounded by a few people who care about me and my existence. Ones who are as much interested in me as much they are in their 'self'.

I want to go where people live for others, where HUGS are exchanged on an hourly-basis. Where  people jump out of excitement just to help each other. Where there are enthusiastic people around me who are always willing to try new things, who make me realize that I am someone, and I am important to them. Just an effort (10 second long) of saying:

"Jay yaar sab kuchh theek ho jayega, hum hain na” could make my day. Could make me feel positive and hopeful that "Koi toh hai jisko mujhse farak padta hai" 

Is this too much to ask for?

I so desperately want to leave this behind, leave everything, leave everyone, leave this negative atmosphere and start a new journey in search of something new. In search of 'Myself'. I want to trust my instincts once again. I want to smile once again and not a fake smile this time. I want to speak my heart out. I want to identify my passion. I want to do every adventurous thing under this sky. I want to learn so many things. I want to laugh endlessly. I want to cry to feel light. I want to Re-live with Right people.

And above all,

I want to remain a mystery to the people who ignored me and thought I am nothing. I don't want to see their faces ever again in my life. I just want to disappear from this world all for GOOD.

Is it really possible?

I'm yet to know this.

Stop it ! It's way too heavy now...

A poem? Yes. This is the first time that I have tried something like Poetry. All I can say is I felt titillated while writing this. And it came so randomly out of me that even now I am Awe-struck. But it’s definitely a Positive and Happy Feeling Altogether.

 Here it goes: 

Let's stop nursing our grudges,
It's way too extreme now...

Let's recall those times when we laughed together,
Random gossips, Fun and what not!?
Comeback I miss you all,
Its way too Nostalgic now....

Those crazy moments, those temporary fights,
I still remember those fantastic nights,
Cheerfulness, Happiness & Gratefulness
Turned into Dullness, Sadness & Rudeness
Let's smile. Its way too bitter now... 

Yes we messed up, indeed very badly!
We cried, Abused, Accused & Abandoned
Did we talk for once to Understand? -No
Let's talk. Its way too Long now...

What about those promises we made?
Broken each of them eventually so mutually
Can't forget how we left each other so brutally!!
Let's Forget it. Its way too hurting now...

Some I did, some you did,
Mistakes are mistakes, bound to happen
We should've left our hearts Open
We will get together one odd Evening
Let's Hope. Its way too difficult now... 

Thankful to You in so many ways,
Thought to walk with you in all the ways
It was all so pleasurable, sadly turned debatable
Why destiny is so damn unpredictable?
Let's build the bridge. Its way too Egoistic now... 

Let's finish our pending "Treats"
Let's all Pals once again "Meet"
I'm sure "Initiation" would turn into "Affection"
And "Shrugs" would turn into "Hugs"
Let's accept everything. Its way too Stubborn now... 

Let's erase the bad, look up to the "Future"
That looks so promising & charming
Let the winds of "Trust" & "Hope" Flow in
Let's complete our incomplete story
Let's live. Its way too suffocating now... 

Let's stop nursing our grudges,
It's way too extreme now...   

An "I" is Never "A"

 Loneliness! What's that?

It is something that kills a human being from the inside and makes him hollow, a person who is alive, but doesn't live, someone who is happy, but deep inside there is a storm.  Storm of thoughts, negativity and strong emotions. Life teaches zillion things every day. Some take it, some do not. I have met people saying "life is such a waste" some saying "life is nothing but a compromise" and then others saying "life is the most beautiful gift from god". It’s all about the experiences that one has had that make people to decide what's life for them? Isn't it?

In this Journey of Life, Someone not having any companions right from the childhood, No one to share the lunchbox with, Feeling unwanted, Often underestimated, Left ignored....

Life of an Introvert is never easy!

Someone who has forgotten to smile from ages!              Someone feeling insecure every passing moment!

Someone who is not enough loved!                                          Someone who can't count on anyone except god!

And some people make it even worst,

"He is so dumb"

“He never talks to anyone lives in his own zone”

“God knows what's wrong with these types of people”

“He has no friends because he is a BORE”

 “I have tried talking to him for a few times, he behaves weird”

 “Let's ask him for the evening's party! What! Oh c'mon are you sure you want to call an anti-social person for tonight's part? Forget it”

And not to forget the childhood,

Look at him; he is having his lunch sitting alone.

I guess he is suffering from some disease called silence, forget it "hamaara kyaa"?  

Hey what happened? Did you wet your pants? Hahaha…. 

Sitting alone in a classroom of more than 60 people of same-age for an introvert is tough. Why? Because he doesn’t has any friend. Yeah so called friends who do not even know what is he going through? So-called friends who tease him every moment on petty things, Still being a "Delicate-at-heart-person" he tolerates such things, In fact he often willingly try to be part of the group by offering them whatever help they might need, and cracking those idiotic jokes(often in vain) just to gain a little bit of attention from them.

The bottom line is he is suffering every moment from Humiliation, Fighting for Acceptance every second, Crying so bitterly on why he is treated like that. Cursing himself and often God for this treatment and such life

And this is not the thing of two-three days; it lasts as longer as years. So you might be wondering what happens to him? Yes you're right he 'dies'.

Yes that weak part of him 'dies' and the strong part takes 'birth'. He then starts living for his self; He then learns to accept things as they are, Starts living on his own terms and convictions. Of course it’s not as easy as it seems! In fact, it is as impossible as you thought in the first place! BUT how does this change occur?

It’s all time. It teaches you who you are. Shows how others are. It makes you the one you never thought you could ever be.

It takes you to the paths you had never seen before. All because of your past, all because of whatever you seen in your life? May be it was destined to happen? May you had some control over it which you didn't realized? Whatever it is!

I feel,

May be God choose people to fight in whom he already saw potentials of a 'winner', May be he knew they would come out of the TRAPS of life & its agonies with a smile on their faces in the end.

Two things that Introvert gets in a form of hard-earned-gifts are Strength & Confidence

Indeed, one cannot imagine how much Mental & Emotional strength has an introvert acquired! Thanks to those taunts, Thanks to those So-called Friends who underestimated him, and those days full of sheer abasement & indignity finally paid-off, Rejection worked the right way making him the person who is not easily domitable, who has learnt a skill of living life with the touch of Deep-thoughts and Ample of experience already in his Pockets!

Making his attitude "I-don't-give-a-damn-what-you-think-of-me"  that he always wished to obtain…

He is still in his own zone like before but this time with utmost comfort and content.

He is still avoiding parties and social gatherings as much as he can, not because he fear facing people but because his parties are bit different from others.

Just a cup of tea/coffee with someone in open-air could make him feel special. He turns lover of nature, Music, Little pleasures of life.

Watching small children playing from a balcony gives him smile. He has no more problems in watching movies in theatres alone. He usually strives to get some people of his-type who think like him and conversations turn him on. Majorly introverts become people's persons (Including me)

As they have seen life very closely, they have had their share in mental traumas, had that bitter taste of life's difficult situations. Eventually those negative things turned him positive!

Wait not just positive, but

Super-duper-ultra-bombastically positive 

He started searching himself within himself and he found many precious elements. He found he is gifted with a great vision. He started working on them in a way to become ‘WORTH’ and this task of meliorating him selves has yet not stopped. It will continue till he lives. He found that one string of 'faith' holding which he crossed so many rivers of Grief, Depression, Confusions, Instabilities and which not!

He signed the lifetime-contract with god for thinking optimistically. God in turn gave him the Magical-powers of giving this GIFT of hope to the ones who are on the verge of committing suicide, just because life has not treated them good, and the ones who are emotionally shattered. After helping these people he feels overwhelmed obviously because

The feeling of watching someone smiling and being happy is Out-of-this-World.

Moreover he feels when he provides someone a box of happiness he gets ten in return and that too gift-wrapped ;)

Even after decent no. of positive transformations in his personality, he feels unproductive. Hopefully this feeling stays because it actually helps him to remain devoid-of-pride and hungry for more successes & accomplishments.

In this Journey he learned to remain balanced-and-neutral. The most important benefit of this journey is that he recognized himself and now he doesn't change his opinions/thoughts in accordance with others conveniences. Instead he learnt to be steady. He feels 'sense-of-acceptance'  

From an 'impressionable' he has turned 'influential' not that he is rigid but not blind as well.

Right from the child an introvert has been fighting to get 'acceptance' and even now he is always eager to get accepted as he is. Of course in a balanced manner and not such desperation

Introverts (like me) are mostly in search of their Alter-ego. 

Moreover Introverts are also gifted with Inbuilt-generator-of happiness in their minds. Visualization skills that keeps them busy while others are cursing their fates!

If an introvert realizes his/her potentials instead of complaining-crying-cursing, He/she could win this world.

P.S:  This requires trust, faith in almighty, positive approach towards the self and great deal of Acceptance (of things, situations).

So this was the Journey of an Introvert who was crying amidst of people complaining about his loneliness & Emptiness who is now busy advising people how to make their lives better by changing their approach towards it. Who is now Endorsing ‘Positive-thinking' among almost everyone!

What a Journey!  A journey of transformation, a journey of realization, a journey of “SELF”

Truly an Introvert is never alone.

He can feel low, under-confident, and sad at times but he is never alone….

• Finally I wrote something about which I feel very strongly. There’s some kind of magic in words once you express them, they express you! They can never be in vain they always speak our feelings whether one understands or not!

Thanks for reading….
Love,
Jay..

Past Is Past ! What About memories?

                                 They Say Past is Past !!

What about those Innumerable fond Memories that we shared !  What about those days Full of Games and laughter   !! What about those Million Beautiful moments that we Spent together... I Miss Them, I Miss you ! I  Wish That Could Come back !   I wish I  Could Go back !

I Miss Those Smiles, I Miss That Crying Over petty Things!

I Miss Those Times When the Things Were Not Perfect In fact Far From Perfect but They Were Sublime! Those Days Were Great! Perfectly Great!

I Miss that "Parapet" Where We Use to Sit and Enjoy Our "Little World" Where we use To Have Like oodles Of Things Bought in 2 rupees! I miss Those Hotels that we used To Construct Using Umbrellas and Actually Use to sell Things.

I Miss my Old House, I miss My Growing up There, I miss That Balcony Where we use To Enjoy Watching people On Road!

I Miss My Mom Insisting Me to complete full Glass of Milk And remembering God before Sleeping!

I Miss that impatience and wait for my dad to come back home after a business tour to know hat he has got for Me and my brother. 

I Miss those days when I was crazy for cycling and also those keys of somebody else’s cycle were keys of happiness to me! And those few times when I couldn't handle cycle well and fell down with bruises on my elbows and knees. I miss that weird combination of Parachute oil & Ponds talc that my mother use to apply on my bruises as if it would repair my bruises instantly. But strangely it use to work. 

I Miss My “Abba” who use to get me” Sev-Paav “with chatni and that lovely “Papdi”. What a treat it was!! I wish that could come back just for one day.. 

I Miss that courteous habit Of denying the “Kharchi”(Some offering in monetary form to show affection or as a Gesture by relatives) By the guests and then after they left, shamefully fighting for the same !(I still do it :P) 

I Miss those those friends I use to exchange notes with because of my “Absenteeism” 

I Miss Sleeping On The floor With My Dad in A Beautiful Aura with Dim Lights and listening to Songs Of "Rafi-Ki-Yaadein" In Our Old Tape! 

I Miss Those Hot Summer Days When After School we hastily use To Go To Get A "Baraf-Ka-Gola"(Colored Crushed ice) And that "Tough" Selection Of Which Color We Wanted! I miss Those Rainy Evenings and Our Balconies "Full of Water”. Those "Groundnuts" We used To Have! Those Mornings Receiving That Super Exciting News Saying "Schools Are Closed Due to Excessive Raining"!! And those Cold and frosty Winter Nights and the Coziness of Blankets! I miss That All!!

I Miss that preceding Diwali Celebration with Plenty of Small Crackers! I Miss That Holi We used To Immensely Enjoy with the Street Walkers with Balloons Full of Water! I miss That "Zest" And "Ravishment" We use To Celebrate All festivals with... That Glee Is Lost Somewhere!

More than any Festival, I Miss those Garba Nights the most, when we use to sit In that balcony and watch Garba  from above. I can’t believe we use to play garba for hours for getting that price money of “Whopping  5 Rupees” I mean that was like 5 lakhs for us! :P whatever it was..I remember that sharply in my memory because it was beautiful, completely beautiful ! 

         

I Miss That Terrace Full Of Gossips, Pranks, Mischief And That Sound Sleep In Summer Nights Until Sunshine Hitting Our Faces! It was Real Fun! New Terrace Is Secluded & Lonely!

I Miss That Carrom Board, that chess, that Ludo, We use to play Unendingly... 

I Miss Those Crazy Ideas We used to get Suddenly, And That Vagarious Activities That Use to incommode our neighbours!

I Miss those superb nights of watching “Shh Koi hai” with my Childhood friend at my aunt’s with that wholeheartedness .. it is So nostalgic!  

I Miss those setting of “Jhulas”(Swings)using those dupattas of Mom for that very enjoyment,  they were truly pleasant. 

I Miss Your Counting Till TEN While playing Hide & Seek I Miss That Hiding Under the beds, And uncommon Places!  

I Miss That Feeling of "Accomplishment" When We Found Our Lost Toys And Bouncing Balls Unexpectedly!

I Miss That Moment When We Finished Our "Homework" And rushed to play Again. 

I Miss That Sheer Fun and Joy While Playing "Dhabba-Dhool" In Parking! What A Game It Was! I Miss That; I miss the Ones I Played It With.

I Miss My Childhood Friend without whom My Life Would Be Colorless, My Childhood Would Be Deficient.

I Miss that long wait for Sunday for watching M.A.D & Art-attack and that discussion of new craft ideas with perfect zeal ! 

I Miss My Cousin "Bittu". I Miss her Care, I miss Her Hugs, I Miss Her Humorous Jokes, I miss That Great Deal of Laughter Shared with her, I miss Her Stay in My House, I Miss Those Delicious "Dhoklas" She Use to Cook For me. I Miss Those Pro-Longed Conversations That We used To Have!

All these Memories Make Me Nostalgic. I m dispirited. I Feel Lonely Nowadays. There Is No One Around. I am Done Being Quiet. I don’t want Peace; I want Fun. I still Dream Of being There Playing There, I See Myself Leading a Happy Life!! I Hope that all would come One Day! I Hope I Would Live Again! I Hope I Would Feel the Same I Use To!

All This Was Buried In My Heart Since Years! I feel good after Writing!

                             Thanks for Reading!!